I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
