Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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