youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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