i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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