Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
