the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
