Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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