FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
