so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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