I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
