The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
