She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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