Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
