ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
