just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
