I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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