Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize