Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
