i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
