I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
