i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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