i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
