No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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