no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
