is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
COCAINE IS GR8
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
