I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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