at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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