i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
