You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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