i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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