i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
