It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
