Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
