Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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