i think my tv is drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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