I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There r osticjed everywhere
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
