I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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