i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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