i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's the barista slut.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
