You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
