We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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