I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
