I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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