Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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