My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
