So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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