You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
