SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
