Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize