get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
