the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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