I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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