she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
