You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
