i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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