I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
