last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
