I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
