I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do herpes really smell.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
