shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
