I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bring me that man meat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
