Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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