If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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