How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
