batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
