In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
