a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
