I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there is glitter all over my balls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
