I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
